It must be hard for Baron Hill to be so contradictory, saying one thing in his district and doing another when in Washington.
Campaigning upon one thing and then voting for the opposite once having been elected.
It is for these very things that Baron Hill was sent packing by the voters of the 9th District in Washington.
In 2006, Mr. Hill sought a return to Congress.
He promised that he had changed, and that he would no longer say one thing in the 9th District of Indiana while doing something else in the District of Columbia.
He has not done so. He has not changed.
True to form, Baron has written home in a letter to the News & Tribune to defend his latest vote.
You know, the one funding the reinforcements he denounced, mandating a timetable for retreat, attaching strings to money to delay it getting to the troops, and containing twenty billion in the sort of pork barrel government waste he promised to get rid of.
He had a press release, which I was intending to parody (as I have done with others before), but the letter is even better.
Like his earlier letters, he has submitted it as a clone letter; it has also been run by the Bloomington Herald-Times and the Seymour Tribune (so far).
It is an interesting mishmash of absurd assertions to contradict "misconceptions" that most people probably don't have, while simultaneously not addressing the concerns with the bill that most voters rightfully hold, namely that it is a pork-stuffed boondoggle that mandates retreat and ties the hands of the generals with a variety of new restrictions.
It is badly in need of a translation.
*begin translation* Hill responds to critics
Hill explains why vote wasn't a surrender to the far left, doesn't require retreating from Iraq, isn't hypocritical in funding the reinforcements he earlier denounced in nonbinding fashion, and didn't throw his claimed fiscal conservatism under the bus.There are many misconceptions about the U.S. Troop Readiness, Veterans’ Health and Iraq Accountability Act, and I would like to spell out exactly why I voted for this bill.
Please listen attentively while I explain to you why I am bowing to the wishes of the radical wing of my party and obeying the orders of Field Marshal Pelosi, Speaker of the House and General of the Armies, which were the real reasons that I voted for this legislation.
While you are listening attentively, I will completely ignore the real concerns and issues with the bill and completely and totally avoid addressing them at all.
The Field Marshal wishes for me to say something that she, err I, think is important: I must respect the wishes of the smallest and most vocal segment of my party to the detriment of all common sense and the wishes of my own constituents in Indiana.
I supported this important piece of legislation because it’s time for a change of course.
Obviously, the changes undertaken by the President thus far are insufficient.
It is not enough to fire the Secretary of Defense, sack all of the generals, and replace them with new and more competent people (including probably the best general in the entire army).
It is not enough to send reinforcements to get the job done, even though members of my own party were calling for just that before the President decided to listen to them and they were forced to disagree so that they could continue complaining about the war.
It is not enough to order new rules of engagement for our troops and to force the Iraqis to start deploying their own troops, which they are now doing.
It is not enough that the President and his commanders have drawn up an entirely new strategy with completely new tactics.
I refuse to give them the time for these things to succeed, despite having demanded in the election that they change course in the first place.
Their change of course does not suit me, and I am an expert.
I, Baron Hill, demand a completely new course, one that involves retreating from the field as quickly as I can get away with it politically.
It’s time to stop the open-ended commitment in Iraq.
I started this fight by voting to send our troops over there, but I've changed my mind. It's just too much to ask for me to finish what I started.
As a politician of some repute, I remind all of you that what I voted for on previous occasions should have no bearing on what I vote for now.
Consistency is for politicians with a modicum of conviction and, as I have amply demonstrated, I have little if any.
It’s time for the government of Iraq to take responsibility for their own security.
Rome wasn't built in a day, but the Iraqi security forces darned well better be, or we're leaving.
It’s time to start the process of bringing our troops home.
I support immediate retreat, based upon a fleeting hope that those crazy Islamic fundamentalist terrorists won't follow us back here.
It’s time to refocus our military efforts to combat terrorism.
There are no terrorists in Iraq.
The people blowing themselves up, cutting off heads, and setting off bombs are something else entirely. That Zarqawi fellow wasn't really a member of Al Qaeda, you see, he was something else. Some sort of freedom fighter, maybe.
Again, I am completely sure, despite the mountain of evidence to the contrary, that there are no terrorists in Iraq.
The insurgents are merely misunderstood impoverished people trying to blow themselves up to a better life.
It’s time to send a clear message that Congress will no longer provide a blank check to fund this war.
I am against further funding of the war. The only blank checks I am prepared to write are for peanut farmers, citrus growers, milk subsidies, spinach growers, salmon fisheries, shrimp harvesters, and new office space on Capitol Hill.
Remember, I will write blank checks for pork, but not for war.
And (don't tell anyone) the blank checks won't even be for pork in this district.
• Misconception No. 1: This bill does not support the troops. Supporting the U.S. Troop Readiness, Veterans’ Health and Iraq Accountability Act is supporting the troops — before, during and after they are deployed. This bill enforces the Department of Defense’s current standards for military readiness and provides $2.5 billion in additional funding to ensure that our troops are properly equipped and trained; it provides $1.7 billion in additional funding for health care for our troops, and another $1.7 billion to ensure our veterans receive the care they need and deserve. Anything less is unacceptable.
• Misconception No. 1: Republicans spend more than Democrats. Hogwash. You can always rely upon Democrats to spend more than Republicans. Doesn't matter what the area or what we promised during the election, we Democrats always spend more. And given the collection of Republicans you sent packing last November, that's really saying something.
You should be proud of our ability to spend your money and raise your taxes, all while doing more of it than the President asked for and doing more of it than ever before.
• Misconception No. 2: This bill micromanages the war. The President has asked Congress to provide him with funding with “no strings attached.” And, the Democrats have said no more. This is not micromanaging, but forcing the President and Iraqi leadership to be held accountable for making real progress in Iraq. The bill also provides the President with the resources and flexibility necessary to manage the war in Iraq.
• Misconception No. 2: This bill does not micromanage the war. Pay no attention to the spending restrictions, the deployment guidelines, or the mandated timetable for retreat. Nope. Those are in the text of the bill, but I don't want to talk about them.
I, Baron Hill, am committed not only to spending more money than ever before, but also on limiting how it can be spent more than ever before.
Just don't call such limitations micromanaging. That's not micromanaging. It's something else. We'll invent a new word for it. How about Pelosimanaging? That sounds good.
• Misconception No. 3: This bill is soft on terrorism. This supplemental bill is tough on terrorism — tougher than the President’s current plan that pays little attention to Afghanistan. The U.S. Troop Readiness, Veterans’ Health and Iraq Accountability Act adds $1 billion to the Department of Defense’s efforts in Afghanistan so as to refocus our military efforts on thwarting terrorism and eliminating Al-Qaeda.
• Misconception No. 3: I'll throw another useless canard in here for good measure, repeating that Democrats can always be relied upon to spend more money than Republicans.
This meaningless assertion will hopefully snow people into paying no attention to the fact that I have not addressed the bill substantively.
The uncomfortable fact is that it is stuffed with the pork I campaigned against, evades the pay-go rules I promised to restore, funds the reinforcements I voted against, and demands the retreat I said I wasn't in favor of back during the campaign.
I, Baron Hill, am proud to vote to spend taxpayer dollars on things that are so very important to me and to various special interests:
- $120 million for the fishing and shrimping industry (I like shrimp cocktails before the meals that lobbyists buy me; like I've always said, "there’s probably not a whole lot wrong with going to lunch with a lobbyist and having him pay for it")
- $100 million for citrus growers (I like eating roast duck in orange sauce when lobbyists are paying for dinner)
- $283 million for the "Milk Income Loss Program" (whatever that is)
- $74 million for peanut farmers (I like eating these at receptions held for me by lobbyists)
- $25 million for spinach growers (the President's father hates spinach, so we'll help the spinach growers)
- $25 million for livestock relief (I like eating Filet Mignon at dinners lobbyists buy me)
- $16 million for the establishment of more office space on Capitol Hill (I need a bigger office)
- $60 million for salmon fisheries (salmon is good for dinner when eating with lobbyists, too)
- Plus countless other things that you don't care about, but special interests that own my party do.
My fellow Hoosier, Congressman Mike Pence,
called this legislation a "salad bar at Denny's", which is absurd. I, Baron Hill, wouldn't be caught dead eating in a place as low-brow and bourgeois as a Denny's.
As for giving more attention to Afghanistan, this is obviously quite necessary. It's not like NATO is already there, we aren't already sending more troops, and we aren't already gearing up for a spring offensive. Nope, not at all. Oh wait... Erm, uh, well, never mind.
The most powerful country on earth cannot be expected to walk and chew gum at the same time. I can't do that. Nobody expects me to do that, and I'm plenty smart. I'm a congressman, remember?
And I am told that the tanks in the heavy armored divisions and the mechanized troops currently in Baghdad will be of great use in Afghanistan, with its 20,000 foot plus mountain peaks. Tanks work plenty good in mountains, right?
Ultimately, the U.S. Troop Readiness, Veterans’ Health and Iraq Accountability Act holds both the President and the Iraqi government accountable by ensuring that real and tangible progress is made.
I don't want to talk about any progress currently being made because of the sending of reinforcements or because of General Petraeus and the strategic and tactical changes he ordered.
If I do have to talk about progress, I'll put some lipstick on this pig by pointing to this bill and then saying that it was responsible for any progress that is being made. Rest assured, citizens of the 9th District, that I'll take credit for any and all progress made by our soldiers as soon as I can.
It is time to turn over control of Iraq to their people.
The sooner they are not shooting at us, the sooner they can begin slaughtering each other.
The Iraqi people deserve whatever fate that our troops leaving gets them.
It is not important to finish this.
It is only important that we leave as quickly as we can.
The French were right about this from the start, so we must now strive to emulate them as closely as we can in all things, including rapid surrender.
Our troops have done their part. And, they have done it magnificently. The American people have done their part as well, by giving us their sons and daughters who ousted Saddam Hussein.
I support the troops. Really. Honestly. I support the troops.
I just hate their mission and I hate everything that they are doing, even though I voted to make them do it in the first place.
With the cost of this war approaching half a trillion dollars, it is time for the people of Iraq to spend their dollars, supply their troops and settle their differences. The destiny of Iraq is now in their hands.
I'd much rather be able to vote for emergency supplementals that send all of the money to pork barrel projects. We'll cut out the middle-man and get right down to it then. Far better that we spend half a trillion dollars on government programs and new pork barrels than on defending the United States, killing the enemy, and defeating the terrorists.
Whew. This letter is almost done. Hopefully, no one will notice that I pointed out three misconceptions held by nobody while ignoring all of the real problems everyone actually has with the bill.
This is a clever slight of hand, and I have extensive experience with it. People ask questions, and I give them answers that have absolutely nothing to do with what they asked and are utterly unrelated to the issue or subject at hand.
You'd be surprised how many useless idiots fall for it. They said during the campaign I worked for a lobbying firm in Washington. This was true, but I said it was a lie, and pointed out that I'd never been a lobbyist. Nobody noticed that they weren't even accusing me of that. Suckers.
I, of course, am not a sucker for voting for this bill, even though--while it bribed every wavering member of Congress under the sun--it contained absolutely no money at all for the 9th District. I didn't need to be persuaded or bribed to vote for this thing. I was in the can for it from the start.
Remember that, 9th District!
Whatever else they may say about Baron P. Hill, when the time came to vote to mandate retreat and to tie the hands of the generals, I wasn't bought.
I, the great Baron Hill, didn't need to be bought.
I was sold on it already.
*end translation*